The whole tooth and nothing but the tooth

It's all fun and games until your tooth falls out.
Yep.
Tooth.
Out.
Well, it's kind of a crown fakey tooth thing.
I'm not really sure what it is because my dentist doesn't really tell me what he does up in there.
That's our mutual agreement.
I don't want to know.
He doesn't tell.
It's a great relationship.
Anyway, whatever it is, it's currently in a baggie on my kitchen counter.
And am headed to the dentist sometime today.
Hope he can fix it.
Oh, and no worries - it's a tooth way in the back.
Not in the front.
So I don't look like a yee hah.

No bueno.

I'm so covered up at work right now. Seriously just trying to keep my head above water.

But am feeling very *glub glub*

Long story, but I'm doing my job. And another job.

Two jobs. One me.

Feeling just a teeeeeeeeny bit overwhelmed.

One of the "temporary jobs" is requiring me to do a some data entry and generate a bunch of spreadsheets.

In Excel.

I don't do Excel.

I'm allergic to numbers.

And it's no accident that Excel rhymes with Hell.

It's straight from the devil.

I can barely use a calculator.

Much less a big ol' spreadsheet.

Numbers.

Columns. Rows. Formulas. Percentages.

Ick.

winning...and losing...

Home from the beach. I'll tell you about it later. Although there's really not that much to talk about, because I didn't do anything. But, later I'll fill you in on my sunburned kneecaps.

Today, though, I hope you will pray for the Brumfield family. On Sunday, Nick won his battle with cancer and went home to heaven. He was brave. And faithful. And there are many who are sad. Especially our youth group - please remember then in prayer also as they have lost one of their own. Sometimes young people just don't get it. And they really shouldn't have to.

It's just all so hard.

And sad.

Conflict.

I'm kinda' all over the place today, people.

The Captain's sister is having a baby today. Remember when she got married? The huge road trip wedding weekend of puke, panties, and precipitation? Yeah, that one. Anyway, their first baby will arrive in the world today. And my heart is full of excitement and anticipation and love for them.

And, at the same time my heart it breaking. Remember our friend Nick who was diagnosed with a brain tumor last summer? They found out yesterday that the cancer has now spread to his spine. They begin radiation today. And my heart is full of sadness and brokenness and fear.

Conflict.

Happy.

Sad.

I just wanna' cry.

Life.

"When times are good, be happy.

When times are bad, consider this:

God has made the one as well as the other.

Therefore, no one can discover anything about their future."

Ecclesiastes 7:14

Such a lovely place. No thanks.

Confession: I hate the song Hotel California

I know. I'm probably the only one in the world.

But really, I absolutely can't stand it.

The Captain thought it was because it was "all spooky and about ghosts and stuff".

Oh? It is?

I thought it was about some icky, run-down one-star hotel.

He explained to me that it me that it wasn't.

Right after he gave me the "I Can't Believe I Asked You Out That Second Time" Look.

Humph.

The Eagles came in town a few years ago and two of my long time friends talked about our all going together.

"Do you think they'll sing Hotel California?" I asked.

Ummmm, yes they were pretty 250% sure The Eagles would sing Hotel California.

Then no, I'm not going.

So, there you have it. Another fascinating factoid about me.

I'm really surprised you people keep coming back here.

Bless.

What Can I Get Fer Ya?

One of the lovely benefits of being a volleyball mom...

Working the concession stand.

Erg.

Hate. It. Dread it. Don't like it.

The Captain helped.

He was quite interested in the nacho cheese sauce and some "chips that couldn't be sold" for some made up reason or another.

And he was also really excited about steaming some more hot dogs. And tucking them in their buns and wrapping them all up in their little foil squares.

And he was very good back in the cooler with the powerade. Although he tried to promote and sell by FLAVOR. And we all know that people choose by COLOR.

Cause does anybody ever say, "I'd like a tropical fruity punch powerade, please." ? No. They say, "Red Powerade."

I just struggled with simple math and making change.

And actually looked at a girl and said, "Really??..." when she ordered five air heads, one pack of skittles, some nachos and a coke and then paid with a twenty....

Let's see, that's five times twenty-five cents plus two plus one - no wait, plus two plus two - oh then twenty minus four or is it twenty minus six fifty?

Ummmm - why don't I just give you ten dollars back and let's call it even....

I. Can't. Add.

I just tried to sell pickles.

And realized it's not smart to put the candy rack right beside the hot dog heat warmer lamp thing. See also: Melted Snickers

And tried not to puke when the very large and very hungry football players who had just finished practice came up and ordered 28 hot dogs. Each.

But I made it through. And helped clean that monstrous industrial size popcorn maker. And replenished the drink cooler. And remembered to turn off the hot dog heat warmer lamp thing so I didn't burn the whole building down.

And, I took out the trash.

And that ended the end of my nacho tour of duty.

Salute.

It's hot. So here's a snake video.

Since the high temp today is 103 with a heat index of 115 degrees, my brain is too hot to think of anything clever to blog about today. And because I know you don't want to hear me gripe about the heat or whine about my lengthy back to school to-do list, I'll share this video with you. Which was filmed on the interstate here in Memphis. And involves a snake. On a car. No thank you.

Meow

Much to Jordan's dismay, I think this video is fake.

But it's worth a little watch for the sake of a laugh or two.

I post it today in honor of my favorite cat lovers, JuJu and Bingmama.

Muuuuuuuah.

Meeoooooow.

Hey. Ya. No.

There is allegedly a video of me on Facebook.

And allegedly I'm playing Just Dance.

With Jordan and two of her church youth group friends at a little holiday gathering yesterday. A little Hey Ya.

And I'm looking quite oldish.

And fattish.

And not coolish.

Awesome.

How many people will really see it anyway?

The guy only has 535 friends.

So there's that.

But I think he put it on the other kids walls too.

And they have a total of 2,178 friends.

But surely there are some duplicate friends in there.

So probably only 1,782 people will see it.

Whew, that's a relief.

But that's still a lotta' people seeing me shake my middle-aged groove thing.

Hey, maybe nobody will recognize me.

I did have a cap on. And the lighting wasn't too great. And we were moving around and all. And the video was taken with an iPhone.

No luck.

It's obviously me. No mistaking those saggy body parts. And if there is any doubt, Jordan calls me MOM more than once.

Thanks for that.

Do I get any points for being the ONLY adult who was willing to dance in front of ten teenagers in the first place?

Much less ON VIDEO?

Yeah, I get points. Stupid points.

STUPID. STU. PID.

Blah. I'm mortified.

So, I'll be changing churches effective today.

And changing my name.

And leaving town.

A reverse witness protection program of sorts.

Other than the video debaucle, my long Independence Day holiday weekend was pretty awesome.

Good times. Good friends.

And the video.

Good grief.

Dental Haiku

Dentist trip today.
I have some major issues
Do not like at all.

Lost part of filling
He must drill drill drill drill drill
I will cry cry cry

Nitrous makes me weird
And say bizarre things out loud
And sing Foo Fighters

I don't want to go.
But have a hole in my tooth
I want my mommy

My dentist is nice
But he made bad career choice
That's too bad for him.

So wish me good luck
Hope I don't act too crazy
And make a big scene

Dislike

A fellow officer and good friend of the Captain's was killed in an off-duty accident last night.

The Captain is so sad.

The department is so sad.

Sad.

SAD.

It was another night of not much sleep.

And the Captain put that little black band on his badge this morning.

DISLIKE.

Please pray for the department and for the officer's wife and very young daughter.

Another late night with a heartbreaker

So after staying up until 1am on Monday night dealing with the heartbreaking loss of the Grizzlies,

I stayed up until 1am last night dealing with the heartbreaking loss of Jordan's boyfriend.

First of many, I know.

I know.

It's just part of life.

But man....

It's hard.

And while it was a relatively short relationship - about a month - they've known each other forever from church.

And may I remind you, that a month, to a teenager, is a sweet forever.

They fell into it pretty fast and pretty hard.

And it's not like I can say, "Oh he's a jerk and you deserve better and he didn't treat you right" and all that stuff.

Because that isn't really the case.

Which I think makes it harder.

The reasons are a bit complicated - and let's just say they are both pretty sad about it.

I am feeling pretty helpless as a mom right now.

And I don't like that feeling.

I can't fix this one.

Or make it better.

So we just sit here and cry together.

And try to pick up the pieces.

And eat mint chocolate chip ice cream.

In. Som. Nia.

So apparently my body now thinks it's hilarious to wake up around 1:30 or so and be wide stinking awake until about 3:30.

Sometimes I just wake up for no reason. Sometimes Captain the Snoring Warthog wakes me up. Lately things like tornado sirens and thunder wake me up.

This whole "not sleeping at night" thing is problematic for several reasons.

First of all, sleeping through the night just seems like the normal thing to do. I've been doing it since I was about eight weeks old.

I get up at 4am every day. So falling asleep at 3:30 really isn't that much of a victory.

It makes me verrrrrry sleepy the next day if I've been up half the stupid night. I mean, the boss is really not a fan of the mid-day nap.

Usually, once I wake up, I'll head on over to the couch. Because even if Captain the Snoring Warthog hasn't woken me up, chances are he's tearing it up pretty good anyway and that keeps me awake. Or the shower dripping. Or the clock ticking. Or the fan clicking.

The last two nights I've just slept on the couch from the get-go. Mainly because the Captain now has some sort of cooties. So I have banished him and his germy self to the bedroom. With a good healthy spray of Lysol. *ccchhhhh ccchhhhh* If he looks at me -- or exhales -- I spray him. *cccccchhhhhhhhhh*

So if anybody else can't sleep or is just a night owl, hit me up sometime.

I'll be hanging out on the couch playing Words with Friends and catching up on Twitter.

Have a good day people. More rain headed our way today. Lovely.

Be afraid.

Embrace the Chinchilla

I have refrained from blogging about this. But it has been going on for almost three weeks now.

It's about the Captain.

He has....

....a moustache.

:/

I am not a fan.

We have named it.

We call it

The Chinchilla.

It looks like a small furry animal.

It's bushy.

Ala Tom Selleck.

He strokes it, and combs it, and trims it.

He chases me around the kitchen screaming, "Embrace The Chinchilla!"

He says it's..."Majestic."

I say it's.....time for it to go.

I have made slight threats to shave it during his sleep.

Or shave half of it.

Or maybe I could use some Nair.

And then it could just slide off his face onto his pillow while he rests in peaceful slumber.

*snicker*

But I really can't go through with that.

I learned my lesson a few years ago with the whole painted toenails thing. Remember the Great Toe Debate?

So I guess I just get used to it.

I will not accept The Chinchilla.

I will just choose to co-exist with it.

Erg.

The one about the pee

I am the daughter of a hunter. I am the wife of a hunter. I am the mother of hunters.

The Captain hunts. Cooper hunts. Jordan hunts.

In fact, on Black Friday, my teenage daughter wasn't begging to go to the mall to go shopping. She was begging to go to the woods to go deer hunting.

I have three deer heads hanging in my house -- TWO in my den.

I have stuffed ducks, a pheasant, a coyote, antlers, and a fish on display. It's a regular menagerie.

Our upstairs bedroom has become the Captain's storage area for all things camo. I've got 395,201 duck decoys on my patio. Deer stands in my garage. I could be a Cabella's outlet site.

I have no Southern Living feature in my future.

Anyhoo, I say all that to say I'm ok with the whole hunting thing.

I will, however, draw the line with this.


Can't tell what it is?

Sorry, I didn't want to get too close to it to take a picture....

It's a shot of the inside of my freezer.

Yes, those are green beans on the right.

And that is deer urine on the left.

Deer. Urine.

Urine.

As in PEE.

What?

WHAT?!?!?

Deer pee.

Dear me.

In my freezer.

And apparently not just any deer urine.

This is described as "explosive" deer urine.

As if deer urine isn't bad enough, this is explosive deer urine.

I'm scared.

I'm also going to get a baggie.

(I'm pretty sure this is the first time I've used the word "urine" on my blog. And I've used it six times already. It's a banner day.)

And for those of you who ate green bean casserole at my house during the Thanksgiving holiday, please be advised I used canned beans.

In other non-urine related news, I have secured additional lights for my Christmas tree. All is calm. All is bright. OK, maybe not so calm. But bright. All is bright.

Have a peachy day, people. December is here. Wowie.

Worse than the booger poster

Coop managed to scrape up a few more bucks for the school book fair.

I'm so upset with his choice. Even more disappointed than when he bought the booger poster, glow-in-the-dark bugs, and alien erasers.

I have grounded him until April 2013.

Because he came home with this.

Where did I go wrong?

PS - Tonight we are all headed to the Brad Paisley concert. Woot! I must decide which cardigan sweater I'm going to wear.

Just put me on a tractor

So apparently I have chipped off the whole edge of a front tooth and didn't know it.

Awesome.

Honestly, how could I have BROKEN A PIECE OF MY TOOTH and not realize it?

Jordan pointed it out last night - Mom, did you chip your tooth?

Huh?

Yep.

I look like a hayseed.

Yeeee-haaaa.

And I'll be cancelling all my meetings for today and heading to the dentist.

Hope he can work some wonders.

And give me a new tooth.

And some nitrous.

Man, I hate going to the dentist.

Horizontal

I can see the light at the end of the football tunnel. Cooper has practice tonight and a game Saturday and then it is finito.

It's been an interesting experience. For both of us. It's been fun. And it's been not fun.

Coop got laid out for the first time on Tuesday night at his game.

You know how it goes - a big ol' pile of boys. And they all start peeling off each other. Then one of them stays down. And you start looking for your kid's number among the vertical. And then you realize your kid is the one that's still horizontal. And Tuesday night it just happened to be #78 that had his face in the turf. Hmmmm.

The coach and a ref were hovered over him. Then another coach ran out.

I was standing by a very overprotectice, call 911 and take your kids to the ER type of a Mom.

She kept saying "GO OUT THERE! GO OUT THERE! HE'S HURT! HE'S CRYING!"

But I didn't. And the Captain didn't.

I stood there and prayed and swayed and chewed my fingernails and said "GETUPGETUPGETUPGETUP" in my mind over and over and over. I just said, "Not yet" out loud.

This is all on the heels of a 14 year old friend of ours who broke his femur during a game last week. 911 call, morphine injection on the field, ambulance ride to the hospital, surgery, pins, full leg cast for 10 weeks - the whole shebang.

Humph.

My eyes were going back and forth from Cooper to the Captain. Cooper to the Captain. Cooper to the Captain. The Captain was working the chains that night.

Epi-pen toting Mom was hollering "WELL IF YOU AREN'T GOING, GET THE CAPTAIN TO GO OUT THERE! GO! GO! GO!"

Not yet. Not yet. Not yet.

Time kind of ticked on a little bit and then I saw the Captain turn to hand somebody his number sign stick thing, but then Cooper got up. Much to Coop's dismay, he did NOT get to get carted off on the buggy and give a thumbs up to the crowd. But he did make it off the field. To the applause of all. And the relief of his mama.

Apparently got clothes-lined and got hit in the throat and kind of had his head jerked back. He trotted off. Sucked back the tears. Got some water. And then headed back in the game.

I know, I know - seasoned football moms will say, 'That's just part of the game. Get over it."

Well, I'm not a seasoned football mom.

And it was my kid on the field.

And say what you want, he's still my little 8 year old baby that wears spiderman underpants. I don't care how big his shoulder pads are and how hard his helmet is.

*sigh*

Basketball season is next.

No safety equipment required.

Red alert

My anxiety level is running very high this week and my heart is on overdrive.

The 19 year old daughter of one of my physicians was killed in a car accident yesterday. She had just left her home and was returning to college. They are simply a good family. My heart is heavy with sadness. Please pray for Dr. David L. and his family.

Jordan is having oral surgery today to remove four teeth which is her first step in the Wonderful World of Braces. I'm just ready to get it over with. And I know she is too. I'm having teeeny issues with the anesthesia. Cooper had a pretty bad experience with some surgery when he was a wee one and that is weighing on my mind. I guess our afternoon will be full of ice packs and milkshakes.

And case you didn't know, the creature known as The Teenage Girl is a very mysterious and often volatile being. Because apparently if your volleyball spandex are a size too large, the world is coming to a fast and violent end. Also, apparently missing just one out of 26,209 social events is a catastrophe. Blah.

No news that I'm already fretting over the "getting everybody where they are supposed to be for games and practices every day for the next four months" schedule. A bit exhausted from it this week...and this was one of the "easiest". If you can call sitting in a gym watching a volleyball game at 10pm "easy".

Connie and I were talking about how we are going to make it all happen. And the sisterly convo went something like this....
Connie: This gives me hives.
Me: I need a nerve pill.
Connie: If you take a pill, you can't drive anybody anywhere.
Me: Bingo.
Connie: Wimp.

But Cooper has made it through two of his first nights of football camp. And so did his overprotective smothering mother hen. He did say he felt like he was in jail or military camp. I told him I was proud of the way he stood and listened to the coaches and didn't talk or cut up like some of the other boys. He said, "Well the only reason I did that was because I didn't want to run laps or do push-ups." Well, not really the reason I am teaching my kids to respect adults, but ok. And do I need to remind you that the heat is just brutal?

And no, we haven't made the first step toward getting our school stuff. Which adds about 75 points to my anxiety level. And that's stupid. But I can't help it. I fret. It's what I do.

My emotions and heart and angst and all of that are just a big ol' tangled upset mess right now. Let's throw in some hormones for good measure, want to? Grrrrrrrr.

Tiny prayer for Jordan today ok? But a HUGE prayer for Dr. L. Thank you. And it would probably be in your best interest to just avoid me altogether.