I have issues

I went to the dentist Monday to get my crown replaced. I have told you before that I love my dentist personally. I just hate him professionally.

Monday was no exception. It went something like this.....

Walking back with Dentist. He hollers over his shoulder to the gal at the front desk to "Go ahead and flip the switch please." I say something like "You think I'm gonna' bolt don't you? So you're telling her to lock the door?!?" When actually it had something to do with turning on the switch for nitrous in the building.... OK.....whatever.....I know I have a star on my chart....

Dentist gives me novacaine shot
Me: "Oooowwww. At urt."
(i.e. "Owww. That hurt.")

Dentist: "Sorry. Sometimes the shots in the lower jaw hurt more. Just breathe your nitrous."

inhale inhale inhale

Dentist makes impression. I mistakenly think it's for my crown. I find out later it's not. Feel obligated to tell him how much I hate having that gooky stuff in my mouth. I proceed to make gagging and spitting noises once he pulls the plaster out of my mouth. It feels like he has sucked my brain out through the roof of my mouth.

inhale inhale inhale

Dentist leaves room to let novacaine start working.....Waiting for him to return.....Did I doze off?....Thinking I may or may not have just snored out loud.

inhale inhale inhale

Turn iPod up louder. Listen to Gavin DeGraw. Decide I want to marry him. Wait - I'm already married.

inhale inhale inhale

Dentist drills and jabs and pokes and scrapes and does all that other yucky stuff.

inhale inhale inhale

Dentist makes impression for my crown

Me: "Oooof ahreay ohn eee ooky uff!!"
(i.e. "You've already done the gooky stuff!!")

Dentist: "This is a double gooky stuff visit. The first one was for your temporary. This one is for your crown."

Me: "Hummmmph."
(i.e. "Hummmmph.")

Me: "Er is ool unning don hi outh. I ahn ooling."
(i.e. "There is drool running down my mouth. I am drooling.")

Dentist: "There is no drool running down your mouth. It just feels like it."

Me: "I ahn ooling."
(i.e. "I am drooling.")

Dentist: "No you're not."

Me: "Hummmmph."
(i.e. "Hummmmph."


inhale inhale inhale

Realize I must have been shivering because they have covered me up with a blanket. WHAT? Think it's weird they have a blanket. Wonder if they ever wash it. Start thinking about germs and other people's spit.

inhale inhale inhale

Turn iPod up louder.....remember that I love Bryan Adams.....I may or may not be humming out loud.

Me: "Iss he ahhhmos uhn?"
(i.e. "Is he almost done?")

Dental assistant: "Yep, more than half way done."

Me: "AFF AYYY UHN?!? Isss aht ahhhl?"
(i.e. "HALF WAY DONE?!? Is that all?")

inhale inhale inhale

Decide that I think The Cure is the greatest band ever.

Dentist leaves the room. Realize I am repeatedly asking the dental assistant what time it is. Thinking she is lying to me when she tells me it is 8:45 am becasue I am convinced it is closer to 1:45 pm.

inhale inhale inhale

Dentist finally finished. Tells me to come back in two weeks to get final crown put back in.

I. Can. Hardly. Wait.