Did you think I fell off the fiscal cliff?
I took a little bloggy break and enjoyed the most delightful holiday.
Back to work today.
I see no penguin pajama pants or cream cheese in my immediate future which is very unfortunate.
Let's see if I can review some of the highlights of our holiday...
Yes, each of these things actually happened. Regardless of how ridiculous they may sound.
We had a fish funeral on Christmas morning. RIP Kane the Second.
I watched an insane amount of football.
I ate an insane amount of food.
I was an insane amount of lazy.
We headed on a 455 mile journey to Texas to see the Captain's sisters.
His grandmother and aunt went with us.
They are not in the best of health.
They brought a wheelchair and a walker.
And a pee bag.
And a poop bag.
(Sorry people - just keeping it real here.)
There wasn't much space left in the truck.
I found a small spot to wedge my head right between the wheelchair handle and an exceptionally large Christmas present.
By all means, when you are travelling with six people and luggage and medical paraphenalia and bags and stuff to make sure you bring the biggest most gigantic Christmas present you can find.
Twenty minutes into our eight hour drive, Aunt asked to stop.
At one point we stopped at a Wallie in Arkansas to potty and two women were duking it out on the floor of the Subway. Kicking and throwing punches. As Jordan said "Women on the floor, weave everywhere. Security!
At 10am, they asked about stopping for lunch.
Worse than my kids...
Me, Jordan and my two SIL's managed to keep a group convo going for eight hours.
My crew stayed in a 116 year old bed and breakfast owned by my SIL's family.
G'Mom and Aunt stayed at a hotel down the road.
But we all gathered in the big ol' house to hang out and eat and visit.
Cooper brought his portable ping pong net and paddles and arranged a tournament.
Have you ever played ping pong on a 110 year old glass topped dining room table?
I came in fourth.
It was fun. We had trophies and everything.
I got up one night at two in the morning to make sure I had turned off the oven from fixing dinner the night before.
It would be very awkward to burn down my SIL's family's 116 year old house. Oops. Sorry.
Speaking of awkward, the pee bag may or may not have ruptured on the 116 year old wooden floors.
Awky awk awk.
Pee. On. Da. Flo.
There was a bird in the house. Flying around. Bird. In. The. House.
The Captain refrained from buying Cooper a samurai sword at the antique store.
I discovered that The Captain is insanely competitive at playing Taboo. We played lots of Taboo and Catch Phrase. Good stuff.
The Aunt, when she did speak during the weekend which wasn't much, talked in a baby voice.
My sweet little one year old niece and my sweet little eight week old nephew are precious. I'm in love.
We loaded up the gypsy wagon and headed back on Monday.
At the hotel that morning, the Captain managed to lean against the alarm with G'Mom's suitcase ancd call the fire department. Nice.
G'Mom got a nose bleed.
Jordan got car sick.
Two miles from her house, G'Mom thought the left her house keys in Texas.
We finally got home late Monday afternoon.
I kissed the ground.
I loved loved loved spending time with my SIL's and their hubbies and their sweet babies.
Yesterday we had the 5th Annual Dipapalooza at Connie's.
More cream cheese.
I really think cream cheese should be a stand alone food group.
I need to go to detox today.
But instead I'm headed to work. The kids are still out of school. They are lucky ducks.
How many times did I say cream cheese in this post?
I loved my holiday. I laughed so much. And loved my family.
So back to reality today. Have to get my brain turned back on. And I hope my pants will still zip.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013