Monday, January 5, 2009

Hypothetically of course


If you leave a car door open for over 48 hours, it will run the battery down.

And the battery will be linked to the car's alarm system.

And the alarm and horn will go off uncontrollably.

And you won't be able to make it stop.

And your neighbors will start hating you.

Because it is nine in the morning.

And you will finally get the alarm and horn to stop.

And you will try to jump the battery from another vehicle.

And the car won't take a charge.

And you will take the battery out of the car and take it to the car care place.

And they will tell you the battery is fine.

And you will return home and realize it's a blown fuse.

And you will go back to the car care place and get a replacement fuse.

And you will try to get the old fuse out so you can get the new fuse in.

And the old fuse won't come out.

So you will have to call a wrecker.


And the little kids across the street will smash their faces on their windows to watch the car being towed away.

And they will have just taken a bath because they are butt-spanking naked.

And that will not be a real pleasant sight since they are smashed up against the window.

And their dad will come across the street and make some joke about the repo man.

And your car will be hauled to the service station.


And they will call you and tell you there were multiple fuses blown.

And the battery was the wrong size for the car.

And it wasn't enough power anyway for the car.

Even though that battery is the one the car care place sold you.

Two years ago.

And the service station people will give you a new battery and new fuses.

But it will cost a few hundred dollars.

Which is what's left of your Christmas money.

Because the rest of the Christmas money was spent on new brakes and tires.

But that will have been an earlier blog post.

And they will fix the car up.

As good as new.

And by this time it is nine hours later.

And that is how you would spend your whole Saturday.

Hypothetically, of course.

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