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This week's "Best of Twitter".



I just found twenty-two cents and four toothpicks in my dryer.

Home from watching some pomp. And some circumstance.

When the paramedics get here, tell them I choked on my to do list.

I say the word "awesome" too much. Must stop.

Too much change is hard to handle. Unless it's the money kind of change. But this isn't that kind of change.

Just heard somebody down the hall say, "It's just a big goober thing." I'm scared to walk down there.

I just let The Boy eat a brownie in my bed. Let's just say that was a large sized mistake.

Two local police officers just shot. One fatally. This makes me want to vomit. And hug the Captain.

Both officers have died....

Suspects just killed at the WalMart in West Memphis, AR. Two more officers shot. Condition unknown. I'm sad. And sick. Sad and sick.

I'm ready to go home now. And I want a donut.

The Captain just got home. Like. He is wearing a black band over his badge. Dislike.