bow wow

Big happenings over the weekend...
Gauge got his own Twitter. 

Yes, I know... 

When he gets a new follower, it makes his tail wag. 

Check him out @gaugedog 

The Captain can't believe people are actually following a dog. 

Funny that he has no problem with the fact that the dog is actually tweeting. 

Some of the tweets

Why can't I remember to blog on Saturday? The world may never know...


The Captain has returned home, and I have lost possession of the remote control.

You know those little baby white powdered donuts? I love them. That's all.

And I love Kirk Herbstreit, too.

I thought my car had been stolen until I remembered I parked on the other side of the building.

I bought @connie423 two Christmas presents today. Be impressed.

I just spilled a jar of spaghetti sauce down my shirt. Continue to be impressed.

The Captain just got a fun size bag of M&Ms, ripped it open, and threw them all in his mouth. At once. Sacrilege.

I love banana Laffy Taffy and am not ashamed to admit it.

Welcome to yet another day of "It's all so ridiculous."

Your and you're are two completely different words. Thank you. That is all.

I don't do award shows.

It's never wrong to do the right thing.

I have an extreme affection for index cards.

I love this whole get dark early thing.

Son has tacky day today. And this morning he is at a doctors appointment. Looking slightly ridiculous in the waiting room.

Not feeling too hot today. I hope none of my internal organs fall out on the floor. That would be so embarrassing.

it's back.

Just realized I haven't had the Saturday run-down of Twitter in a few weeks. There is no excuse for this behavior. So here it is:

At the half: Angie 4, Laundry 3

Coffee is the greatest thing ever in the history of ever.

Traffic question: Does one yield to a marching band? #tuba

{insert blah blah blah tweet here}

Yeah, I've been picking cashews out of the trail mix. Wanna' make something of it?

The Sonic hot dog screaming woman is driving me nuts.

I forgot Michael Jackson had a son named Blanket.

Daughter is up on a stool trying to get a yellow rubber sticky toy frog off my kitchen ceiling. Yeah, just another exciting Thursday night

Candy corn. Yay or nay? Sound off.

Why are they called animal crackers and graham crackers when they are clearly cookies?

Happy Birthday to my Daddy today. I bet the cake in heaven in awesome.

Son came out of his room dressed and ready for church - sporting his WWE championship belt thrown over his shoulder. #amen

Do chocolate covered raisins count toward the recommended daily serving of fruit?

Wailing and gnashing of teeth. Also known as 4th grade math.

Root canal > 4th grade math.

No, precious daughter, school is not closed for Halloween.

Letting a nine year old boy eat cinnamon toast in my bed is probably not one of my brightest moves.

Boy + BIke - Balance = Broken bone in hand = Cast

And the kid picked orange for Florida and Tennessee so I'm making him sleep outside til he gets it off #kidding #GoHogs

Twitter. That's what's up.

Here's all the exciting stuff that happened last week on Twitter....

The Captain is lucky I didn't smother him in his sleep last night to put me out of my misery. He snored like HR Pufnstuf all. night. long

Dear Emotions: It would be real nice if you would all attempt a little coordination instead of being all over the place. Thanks.

Driving to the other side of the world for a volleyball game.

Seriously, how can I forget my car?!?!

I hate it when the apps on my phone get all out of order.

Driving the Captain nuts by using cop lingo in all my texts to him

Seriously, Son, did you even CLOSE the shower door?

No volleyball game tonight and what am I doing? Watching volleyball on TV. I'm sick, people

I've never understood how a couch just ends up on the side of the road.

Pray for Nick.

Friday night lights.

Small catastrophe in microwave. House full of smoke. Fire averted. Somebody please remove @vball199 from my kitchen.

The Captain tweets...kind of

Did you know the Captain has a twitter?

Yep.

Coolio.

But the coolest thing of all is that he has "people" that tweet for him. The life...

The Captain is not in any way, shape, or form a fan of social media. At. All. He thinks Facebook is straight from the devil. And doesn't exactly understand the whole twitter thing. Although he has made great strides in his comprehension of this phenom.

But he is so full of fabby policey behavior and wise proverbial sayings that these ... ahem ... "people" thought he should be sharing it with the world. Because you really need to know his thoughts about Bigfoot shows and crime and stuff...

Now, let it be known that the Captain is very aware of "his" twitter. And he is very aware of what "he" tweets. Because the "people" know not to do stuff like that without his knowledge or approval. And they believe in full disclosure and all.

So, scoot on over and check him out right here

And, while you're at it, have a lovely day.

Twitter. With some volleyball. And a cold.

Twitters from the week featured lots of volleyball and a pesky headcold.



Will my plant die if I pour coffee in it?

Football > Chores

Man, there are a lot of Legos in this house.

I guess this laundry isn't going to fold itself...

"My name Peggy. You have problem?"

Convinced I just saw Charo at Target.

If you're about to run out of gas, do you drive fast so you arrive before you run out or drive slow to conserve what little gas you have?

I just said out loud to my son, "Don't run with that sucker in your mouth." I have become my mother.

I think @vball199 just growled at the other team. Right after she spiked the ball down number twelve's throat.

I want to whine about how tired I am. But I won't. You're welcome.

Cloudy this morning. Nice change to be able to drive east without having my retinas burned up by the rising, blinding sun.

Seeing my dad's handwriting makes me sad.

Nice to have a sister who understands me when I say "That's a lot of blah blah for not much whatever."

More football? Yes, please.

If you need me, I'll be at the volleyball game.

I got no time for this cold.

Me and my cold are going to the volleyball game.

Spearmint is the yuckiest mint of all the mints in the mint family.

Here's hoping none of us gets hit by a falling five ton space satellite today.

So, about this satellite.

I'm stuck in a traffic jam in the middle of a caravan full of painted up teenage boys headed to a football game. Hi, fellas.

Painted Boy U and Painted Boy R are standing on the side of the road waiting on the rest of the caravan.

da tweeter

checkin out da week on da tweeter



Yes, I agree. 6:30 on a Saturday morning is too early to be headed to a volleyball tournament.

Captain just arrived at vball tourny to tell me "the washer smells like it's on fire". That can't be good.

And we'll just buy a new washer between pool play and bracket play

Volleyball all day. Football all night. Life is good.

Dear Captain: I love you, but we are not going to watch the Finding Bigfoot marathon. #FOOTBALL #AreYouNuts

Cleaning granola out of my purse. Don't ask.

Four empty laundry baskets and an empty dishwasher. Yeah, baby.

Olleyvay allbay.

I got the insomnia. The Captain seems to have no problem sleeping right now since he's over there snoring like a sleestak.

73 and sunny? Yes, please.

Oh, and some Hall and Oates. Thanks.

Sometimes, it's just a whole bunch of "Good Grief."

I'm pretty sure I don't understand 4th grade science.

Confession: I hate the song "Hotel California"

Twit.

If you need me today, I'll be at a volleyball tournament.

I know, it's opening weekend for college football.

But some things can't be helped.

If you want to see what my week looked like on Twitter, just head right on over by clicking here.

Twit.Ta.

So my week on Twitter went something like this....

Cue Charlie Brown teacher voice.

I may or may not have just tried to fax something on the copy machine and almost made 767,000 copies.

I just poured a whole cup of water down my shirt. Brilliant.

Monday Night Football. The End.

Somebody stole my tape dispenser.

Did I really just enter eight times four on a calculator?

I'm trying to go to sleep and the Captain is watching a Jimi Hendrix concert on TV. That's problematic.

"It's always a good day when you aren't personally named in a lawsuit."

Believe me, it's not a party until you spill a bottle of salad dressing on your desk. #WootWoot

Conjunction Junction, what's your function?

Hello, Volleyball. I've missed you.

Dear CrockPot: Thank you for having a delicious dinner waiting for me 14 hours after I walked out on you this morning.

Fri. Day. Hoo. Ray.

Just got carded buying milk.

da twitter

Another ridiculous week on Twitter.

Capt & I discussing if picking @vball199 up from spot closer to home but later is better than picking her up farther from home but earlier.

I hate those little stringy things on bananas.

My newborn baby starts fourth grade today.

Re-introducing socks to my son.

The Captain is snoring like a cartoon character.

Life is wonky.

Just saw Elvis at the WalMart.

Not THIS Saturday, and not the NEXT Saturday, but the NEXT Saturday is the return of college football. And that will be bliss. The end.

Let me just tell you how much I love looking like a total idiot.

Feeling very suffocatingish.

Has anyone ever actually choked to death on a family calendar or a to-do list?

The boy just proudly showed me that he can lick his armpit.

I have a splinter in my nose. Don't ask.

I love my UPS man.

Last week of summer twitters

Yep, my kids start school next week. Bah. But before we do that, check out my week on twitter.


Just got automated call from Kroger telling me to throw out all my recalled ground turkey. I guess we've already eaten it. #TooLate

Don't ever think you can run to the grocery looking like a bow-wow and not see anybody you know.

I Love Lucy marathon. Yes.

Supplies, uniforms, shoes, and other back to school necessities. Check. Yeah, a big fat check.

$5 to the first person who can find the television remote.

Just found two golf tees, three bobby pins, and 37 cents in my washer.

It's always good news when you find out your kid might not have to have surgery to break her jaws and have them wired shut.

Good. Ness. Gray. Shush.

Always a good night's sleep when your son starts screaming, "Order in the court!" at three in the morning.

So excited to hear about the huge breakthroughs in leukemia treatments. So sad that it didn't happen sooner to save my Daddy

Good grief, people. Cool your jets.

Got an email about an upcoming "Freshman Parents Meeting." Took me a minute before I realized that meant me.

I cannot embrace the Footloose remake.

The Captain hollering from the kitchen: "Whoaaa... Hey everybody, just a warning to you all that the honey mustard pours out freely."

Hot Twitter

A ridiculous week on Twitter.



Personally, I think 9am is just a bit too early to be watching some show about guns and shooting and such. #TheCaptain

Cardinals scored 10 runs while the Captain was watching a show about a moose. #ChangeTheChannels

Shark. Week.

I seem to have misplaced July.

The Weatherman: "100, 100, 100, blah blah blah, 100, 100, 100."

Dear Monday: You won. Move along.

Stopped to get gas. Promptly had heat stroke.

Going to get @vball199 from practice wearing a "I hope I don't have a wreck and have to stand on the corner and wait for the cops" outfit.

High today 103. Heat index 115+. Apparently, I live near the Equator

Twitter just recommended @connie423 as someone who was "similar to me". I'll say...

It's ridiculous hot. Like Equator hot.

I'll take nervous breakdowns for $500, Alex.

The Boy is playing with his wresting figures while he watches Iron Chef. I really don't know what to think about that.

Memphis official high today = 106 = Ridiculous

College football starts four weeks from today. Four. Weeks. From. Today. Hooray and Amen.

Why are the Captain's Chaco's in my bathtub?

I can only tolerate so much SpongeBob. And then I break out in the hives.

I have no desire to fight 3,582 women for some socks and a spiral notebook in order to save $1.72 during tax free weekend.

More cowbell.

Twitty

It was a fascinating week on Twitter. Check it out.



The dog just walked through the house with a plastic measuring cup in his mouth. I hope he is making me some cookies.

I never know what to expect when my daughter walks in the door and says, "So, I had a little whoopsie today."

Captain & Boy out of town. Having dinner w/ his sis & her MIL. And a pretty big name US senator. Hope there's no burping at table

Not that the Senator would burp. I don't guess. But sure can't say that about The Boy. No comment about the Captain.

The Planet of the Apes movie commercials scare me.

It's 10:15 and the Captain is already snoring like a Sasquatch.

I just burned my foot with the flat iron. Don't ask...

I can remember all "Fifty Ways to Leave your Lover", but I can't remember to buy dog food.

College football starts in 37 days. Amen.

Looks like @vball199 has a lot of cleaning up to do today. #TPInMyTrees

Message from The Boy: "I love you so, so, so much Mom. Now, about that pool table..."

And, in other news, we got rolled again last night.

I wrote something in secret code on my calendar and now I can't remember what it was. Awesome.

So, if I'm supposed to be meeting any of you tomorrow at 12:45 and don't show up, I'm sorry.

"Let's watch some kind of Sasquatch gator killin' show." #TheCaptain

We've been rolled two nights in a row. Should I go on to bed? Or sit up all night in a lawn chair with a shot gun?

Breaking: We did NOT get rolled last night.

Another volleyball camp. Another big check.

Oh dear. I clicked something and all my email folders just *POOF* disappeared. That can't be good.

Watching FNL on the laptop with headphones. And I can still hear the Captain snoring. With headphones, people.

Anybody else think kitchen sink water tastes better than bathroom sink water?

twitterrrrrr!

Guess I'll head to bed now so I can listen to the Captain snore all night.

Dear Son: Please do not tie your wrestling figures to the dog.

Yes, I just fixed my broken glasses with purple duct tape.

It's just not a party until you spill a container of dressing down the front of your pants.

I just got a text from @connie423 that says, "T ugbb". No doubt it's code for something...

Involved in a sordid love affair with my crock pot.

When did I start liking country music? I'm scared. And I blame @vball199 and the Captain.

Trying to figure out why I have a bottle of BBQ sauce in my purse.

Talking about snakes at lunch. I'm not digging this convo.

Tweetin on da Twitter

Target is putting out the back to school stuff. #NoThankYou

Breaking news of possible officer down. Always makes me sick at my stomach.

Fallen officer. Dislike.

Which one is Phinease and which one is Ferb?

Playing Boy's Tony Hawk skateboard Wii game thing. Boy hollering at me to "grab some big air". I'm just trying not to fall off the board.

"I must have decided to delay that." = Fancy talk for "I forgot."

ha ha ha ha ha...not

I want football.

The Boy: "Dad, do we have to take your car? It's so... policey."

The Boy has confused a wingman and a hitman. #FutureDatingDisaster

Rude people are just so ... rude.

The Boy: "I'm hungry." The Captain: "What would you like?" Boy: "Dinner."

The Boy tried to make cheese dip by putting 3 cheese sticks in the microwave for FIVE MINUTES.

Twitter replay

It was a most prolific week on Twitter. I officially have no life.


Good gravy. All this laundry. What have these people been doing?!

Have I mentioned my son bought a harmonica?

Happy. Sad.

My son's harmonica doesn't mix well with my headache.

The Captain is watching True Grit. For the 28,193 time.

True Grit is over. Now it's .. wait for it... another Bigfoot show. #SasquatchOverdose

The Boy is very concerned today about his Halloween costume. #June #October

And the dog just walked through the kitchen with a Wii remote in his mouth.

Who knew there were so many episodes of Wizards of Waverly Place...

Introducing my son to the fine tradition known as Required Summer Reading.

There is a fine line between being amused and being annoyed.

I want to ride in the Cash Cab.

Tonight we are watching a very exciting show about rifles and ammo. #WooHoo #BeatsSasquatch

It is imperative that The Boy learn to play something else on the harmonica besides Jingle Bells.

Giddyup.

Bowling ala Wii.

The Captain is a show-off.

Working on the lyrics to a sure-fire Top 40 hit, "You're a Goober"

Just saw a car pulling out of a parking lot onto the street. But she drove down the sidewalk instead. Where's the Captain!!???!?

The Boy's comment regarding an infomercial: "Forty dollars for zit cream?!? What a rip off!!"

I always feel so sorry for Brandy. She's such a fine girl and all...

I sent the Captain a 214 word email. He replied with one letter. #Mars #Venus

I am the go-to person to locate any of the 8,762,344 items in our house. "Mom, where is the....?"

The Boy just said he didn't know who Foghorn Leghorn was. The Captain promptly lost it.

That was NOT me belting out "Hopelessly Devoted to You" at the red light. Just needed to set the record straight.

Tonight on TV de Captain: Whale Wars. I kind of don't get this...

In other news, I have a 2-man pup tent set up in the middle of my den.

Twitter

Well, lookie here... another week on Twitter.

Bowling with my boys

I am grossed totally out by bowling shoes

Married 17 years and I didn't know the Captain bowled left handed

I need da' bumpers

Real bowling equals not Wii bowling. #Guttah

I think I overthink it.

The Captain and I having a discussion about golfers wearing white pants.

Why on earth would I have ever bought fennel?

It's not a party til your son breaks the leg off the coffee table.

{Insert banging head against wall tweet here}

People, "Reply all" isn't always necessary.

I just flipped out cause I thought there was a snake on my patio but it was only a stick.

I'm just going to call that a "Checkbook Malfunction."

Twit.Ta.

A review of my week ala Twitter.


Looks like The Boy is eating Skittles for breakfast. Would that count as fruit?

Personally, I think it's a little early in the day to start a Billy the Exterminator marathon.

Note to self: Never take the Captain on in any Wii game involving shooting. Cause, ummm, he's trained in that kind of stuff and all...

Crazy like a fox.

Lotta' racket coming out of The Boy's room while The Captain and some Policey Friend install a ceiling fan. #KindaSkeered

Awkward times a thousand.

Tonight was just quite entertaining. Nighty night.

Monday. Bring it.

And my dog just walked through the den with a sleeve of Ritz crackers in his mouth like it was no big deal.

Thinking the 100 watt bulbs are a bit much for my outdoor porch fixtures. Afraid a plane's gonna' be landing on my street any minute.

I'm ready for college football.

Schooling the Captain at Wii bowling.

Life is awkward.

Today handed me way more than I bargained for.

Twitter replay

Another exciting week on Twitter. You really should follow me.

I'll be calling the A/C guy today...

And I can never remember his name, so it's in my contacts under "A". For Air Conditioner

Good News: The Air Conditioner Man is coming today. Bad News: I've got to cancel my hair cut appointment. Guess I'll take Air over Hair.

Hoping my $18,328 mistake is fixable

Yeah, I'm driving somewhere to pick somebody up. What else is new?

The Boy: "Look! Leg hair!!"

Eating ice cream right out of the carton. Don't judge.

The Captain and The Boy are quite engrossed in a show about Bigfoot.

And the plural of Sasquatch is....?

The Weatherman: "95... 95... 95... 95...95... 95..." Blah... blah.... blah... blah...

Why does my garage smell like chocolate cake?

Wii? Oui. Wheee!

It's all applesauce.

Summer twitter

This first week of summer was made up of 96 episodes of Mindfreak and 96 degree days.



Not a fan of the 12" lizard thing that was just in my garage.

The Boy has found 96 episodes of Mindfreak on Netflix.

The Boy just said he's going to postpone college for a year to see how his magician career goes. Too much Mindfreak

For those keeping score at home, we are on episode 32 out of a possible 96 Mindfreak shows

The Boy: "Have you ever put a bee in your mouth?" Pretty sure that's a no.

Well, that was beyond awkward.

Summer + Full-time job + Mom taxi = Blah + Hard

Another night. Another drive a kid somewhere.

Hello, Insomnia. We have to quit meeting like this.

Kids. Dentist. Joy.

Already knocking on the door of 100 degree temps. And it's not even summer yet.

Make sure your car windows are up before you drive through a car wash.

And, in other news, the A/C at work has gone out. (See earlier tweet about 100 degree temps today....)

The Spelling Bee is tonight! I'm so e-x-c-i-t-e-d!!!

I'm still hot. In case you were wondering.

Playing Just Dance with @vball199 . May need to call a paramedic.

Yeah, @vball199 is thin and young and in shape. And I'm....not..... And she's got some rhythm. And ummmm, well.....

I've quit shaking my groove thing and am back to watching the Spelling Bee.

Friday? Yes, please.

Anybody else get emotionally attached to a coffee mug?

Can you have the kit without the kaboodle?

{Insert "It's so hot and I'm burning up" tweet here.}

So the A/C is out at work. And now the A/C is out at home. Awesome.

Playing Mario Kart with the Boy. I'm not a good Kart driver.