She's got sole.

My kids wear uniforms to school. {cue applause}

Jordan needed a new pair of saddle oxfords this year. She had a pair that she has worn the last two years but - alas - outgrew them. (She actually calls them saddle locksfords. Yes, she is my straight A++ student....)

The old beloved pair were very, very broken in.

Apparently it takes quite a while to break in saddle oxfords. I can understand that. They are stiffish and hard soled and all leathery and white and perfect and pristine and beautiful.

Monday night aka The Night Before School Started, she said she needed to break her shoes in. Well, the hour or so before bedtime didn't seem like long enough to wear them and break them in.

That's when she said, "....by running over them with the car."

Me: HUH? With the CAR? What on earth are you talking about?

Jordan: It's how you break the shoes in.

Me: BY RUNNING OVER THEM WITH A CAR?!? Those shoes were $70 $385. We are NOT running over them with a car.

Jordan: That's how you do it.

Me: Who does it? And do not answer with a pronoun. Do not say "everybody". I. Want. Names.

Jordan: The whole volleyball team.

That's about the time the Captain walked in.

Captain: What are you girls talking about?

Jordan: I want Mom to run over my shoes with the car to break them in and she says no.

Captain: RUNNING OVER THEM WITH A CAR?!? Those shoes were $70 $385. We are NOT running over them with a car.

So back and forth we go. To run over or not to run over? What exactly will it do to the shoes? Will it tear them totally up? If it tears them up, what would she wear to school the next day? Flip flops? Monkey socks? Neither are dress code appropriate. And if we DO run over them, should it be heel to toe? Or toe to heel?

Finally, in a moment of exhausted weakness, I agreed to run over the shoes with the car.

She wrapped them up in a bag and we headed outside in our jammies at 9:30 pm.

We agreed that regardless of what happened, we would NOT have an "I told you so" moment. And if the shoes were ruined by a 2,500 pound Camry, she would have to either glue them together and wear them anyway then buy a new pair herself. AND wear flip flops or monkey socks to school the next day.

I backed the car out of the garage.

She put the shoes under the tire, held her breath and closed her eyes.

I held my breath and gunned it.

And then I -- BUMP -- ran over them.

I ran over both of them a few times. And I don't know if it did what she expected it do to. But it didn't tear the shoes up. It just made them kind of creased-y. They looked like.....saddle oxfords that had been run over by a car.

She seemed content.

And she wore them to school yesterday.

Alrighty then....

In other news, Jordan and I are headed BACK to the orthodontist this morning to get that appliance expander cranky thing put in. We hope.....

Peace out people.