Boooooooots

This post is about boots. But it's also Halloween. So the title for today's post should cover both bases. I know, I know.... How do you people stand the cleverness of this blog? Bless...

In an effort to find the balance between cute and warm for Friday night's homecoming game, and after extensive fashion coaching from Connie, I set out Friday afternoon to find some boots. You know - boots. Like "fashionista wear with jeans" boots. Boots.

Quick text to the Captain:

Me: Gonna' run by the store and look for some boots.

Captain: What about your boots in the garage?

(Part of me thought this was hilarious since the Captain is boot-obsessed. And for him to even remotely question a boot purchase was slightly funny.)

Me: Well, maybe... but it's not gonna' be wet. Just cold. Boot boots.

Captain: Oh, I thought those were insulated.

After a futile search, I headed home bootless and reported my failure to the Captain.

He still kept talking about wearing the boots in the garage.

Now, this whole time I thought he was talking about my little polka dot rain boots. Cute? Yes. Warm? No. Wet outside? No.

"Oh, not those," he said. "The insulated camo hunting boots."

CAMO HUNTING BOOTS?

TO HOMECOMING?!!??!!?

He's hilarious.

Now, I'm not much of a fashion plate. And, yes, I had stated that Warm > Cute. But, I would have to draw the line at the camo hunting boots.

I did find some acceptable footwear.

And my feet stayed warm.

And the Lions won.

And are district champs!

And we all lived happily ever after.

The end.

Excuse me sir, your panties are showing

The Captain created quite a little scene the other day at the gym.

Work out - check.

Steam room - check.

Wet shorts - check.

There's a little thing in the locker room that you can put your wet gym clothes or swim suit in and it spins the water out of your clothes. I liken it to a giant salad spinner.

So the Captain does that.

Puts his shorts in there.

Spins them around.

And puts them back on.

And he talks to some other fellas in the locker room.

See y'all tomorrow.

Then he goes out to the lobby and talks to the gal at the front desk.

Have a good day.

He greets a few other folks walking in to the gym.

Mornin'.

Then he drives home and heads to the bathroom to take a shower.

That's when he notices....

He has put his shorts on inside out.

Inside out shorts -- not really that big of a deal.

But inside out shorts that have a built in panty thing - that's kind of hilarious.

In fact that's REALLY hilarious.

And the Captain had been prissing around the locker room and the gym and the lobby and the parking lot wearing shorts. With panties on top.

I leave you with that vision.

Have a nice day.

Foot fail

Text convo with the Captain:

Captain: ?

(With this picture attached)



Me: NO NO NO NO NO NO I hate those things NO NO NO NO NO NO

Captain: Ooops


He ended up not getting them and apparently sending me the pic was a little joke between him and Jordan because she told him I hate those things.

I have no idea what they are. Do you run in them? Wear them around? Swim in them?

Ick.

Send in the clowns.

On our way to church last night the Captain pointed out to me that he was wearing the same shirt that I chose as part of my Halloween costume. When I dressed up like a ... clown.

Well that little piece of info just cracked me up.

The shirt is kind of blue and green and looks kind of patch worky and has fish on it and is kind of swirly.

And when it's paired with the big rainbow clown wig, red nose, a wild necktie, some pink daisy pajama pants and polka dot rainboots, it's very clownish.

But I guess when it's paired with some of the Captain's jeans (hubba hubba), Chacos and cool cop sunglasses, then it's ok.

I think...

*snicker*

And I was doing ok with the whole clown-not-clown shirt until right the middle of church, the Captain looked over at me and kind of patted his shirt.

And I said "Quit clowning around during church."

And then started laughing.

You know that "church laugh" - where you are shaking and shaking and shaking and trying to stop but you just can't and are just hoping you don't make that snort noise.

You know what I'm talking about?

Oh, you don't?

Well, ok then.

I'll be on my way.

Anybody?

Okey dokey my blogophiles......

Who remembers these little lovelies?



Yep - that's it!

Multiples!!

Or did you call them Units?

My friend Bingmama remembers wearing Units. I think we wore Multiples. Which store had the little cubby-holes?

A fashion staple of the 80s. Where six articles of clothing could create an entire wardrobe.

Back when a little "bandeau" actually could be a tube top OR a skirt OR a top Or a belt....

Yeah....back when.

Cheers to stirrup pants.

And have a nice day.

She's got sole.

My kids wear uniforms to school. {cue applause}

Jordan needed a new pair of saddle oxfords this year. She had a pair that she has worn the last two years but - alas - outgrew them. (She actually calls them saddle locksfords. Yes, she is my straight A++ student....)

The old beloved pair were very, very broken in.

Apparently it takes quite a while to break in saddle oxfords. I can understand that. They are stiffish and hard soled and all leathery and white and perfect and pristine and beautiful.

Monday night aka The Night Before School Started, she said she needed to break her shoes in. Well, the hour or so before bedtime didn't seem like long enough to wear them and break them in.

That's when she said, "....by running over them with the car."

Me: HUH? With the CAR? What on earth are you talking about?

Jordan: It's how you break the shoes in.

Me: BY RUNNING OVER THEM WITH A CAR?!? Those shoes were $70 $385. We are NOT running over them with a car.

Jordan: That's how you do it.

Me: Who does it? And do not answer with a pronoun. Do not say "everybody". I. Want. Names.

Jordan: The whole volleyball team.

That's about the time the Captain walked in.

Captain: What are you girls talking about?

Jordan: I want Mom to run over my shoes with the car to break them in and she says no.

Captain: RUNNING OVER THEM WITH A CAR?!? Those shoes were $70 $385. We are NOT running over them with a car.

So back and forth we go. To run over or not to run over? What exactly will it do to the shoes? Will it tear them totally up? If it tears them up, what would she wear to school the next day? Flip flops? Monkey socks? Neither are dress code appropriate. And if we DO run over them, should it be heel to toe? Or toe to heel?

Finally, in a moment of exhausted weakness, I agreed to run over the shoes with the car.

She wrapped them up in a bag and we headed outside in our jammies at 9:30 pm.

We agreed that regardless of what happened, we would NOT have an "I told you so" moment. And if the shoes were ruined by a 2,500 pound Camry, she would have to either glue them together and wear them anyway then buy a new pair herself. AND wear flip flops or monkey socks to school the next day.

I backed the car out of the garage.

She put the shoes under the tire, held her breath and closed her eyes.

I held my breath and gunned it.

And then I -- BUMP -- ran over them.

I ran over both of them a few times. And I don't know if it did what she expected it do to. But it didn't tear the shoes up. It just made them kind of creased-y. They looked like.....saddle oxfords that had been run over by a car.

She seemed content.

And she wore them to school yesterday.

Alrighty then....

In other news, Jordan and I are headed BACK to the orthodontist this morning to get that appliance expander cranky thing put in. We hope.....

Peace out people.

Because they have everything

Cooper: "Mom, the next time you go to Target, will you please buy me a tux?"

We went. We rocked. We came back home.

Let me just start by saying the Bon Jovi concert was totally awesome.

Even awesomer than awesome.

And let me also say that Jon Bon Jovi looks and sounds just as good as he ever did.

He has great jeans genes.

And he still has the greatest rock and roll hair.

And he just rocked it.

For over two hours.

It was a most excellent show.

And Bingmama and I had a most excellent time.

And we laughed and talked and talked and laughed.

And we may or may not have taken all of this with us:

• 7 cardigan sweaters
• 15 necklaces
• 2 bracelets
• 9 tshirts
• and a partridge in a pear tree

And yes we were only gone 24 hours.

But we needed options.

And I am absolutely, positively 100% certain that I was the only person at the concert wearing a cardigan sweater. That was yellow.

I am also absolutely, positively 100% certain if you weren't wearing a halter top and boots, you were a nobody.

Hi, I'm nobody. I'm the one that wore a yellow cardigan to the Bon Jovi concert.

And Bingmama told somebody that I was her mother.

We had some interesting cab experiences.

First, we totally stole a cab that had showed up at the hotel for another group. We did think it was ours, but found out later it wasn't. Ooops.

This before-the-concert cab driver had an orthopaedic walking boot on his left foot. And had a prosthetic on his right foot. And he would drive real fast. Toward people and other cars. And then say "Shut your eyes if you're squeamish." And he made a very, VERY wide right turn which put us on the left side of the road for a terribly long period of time. He must have thought we were in England or something. And I thought we were gonna' die.

The after-the-concert cab driver was a bit odd. He kind of talked real low and quiet and slow. And made it a point to show us the court house and the jail. And for about 3 minutes I was certain he was driving us off into the warehouse district of Nashville to murder us. And I even texted Bingmama WHERE ARE WE GOING?!?!? Because all we could think about was the movie "The Bone Collector". I got real worried because Bingmama's knee was flaring up and I was concerned that she was not going to be able to outrun him once he started chasing us. And I thought we were gonna' die. But never fear, we made it back to the hotel.

Yep, we made it back to the hotel and got in bed at 12:15 in the morning. Which is about six hours past my bedtime.

So apparently we think we are still 21 years old and can work half a day, drive to Nashville in the afternoon, grab dinner, go to a 2+ hour VERY LOUD rock and roll concert, sing and dance and clap and fist pump and scream WOOOOOO!!!! every time we look at Jon and Richie in the binoculars, and hit the sack at 12:15 in the morning and get up, FIND A STARBUCKS, drive back to Memphis and go to work.......because that's exactly what we did.

We were rockin' mamas.

Who wore cardigans to the Bon Jovi concert.

And had a great time!

Rock on!

What's up with the Chinese gymnasts wearing all those hair clippies??!?!!?!? Call the Fashion Police!