Conflict.

I'm kinda' all over the place today, people.

The Captain's sister is having a baby today. Remember when she got married? The huge road trip wedding weekend of puke, panties, and precipitation? Yeah, that one. Anyway, their first baby will arrive in the world today. And my heart is full of excitement and anticipation and love for them.

And, at the same time my heart it breaking. Remember our friend Nick who was diagnosed with a brain tumor last summer? They found out yesterday that the cancer has now spread to his spine. They begin radiation today. And my heart is full of sadness and brokenness and fear.

Conflict.

Happy.

Sad.

I just wanna' cry.

Life.

"When times are good, be happy.

When times are bad, consider this:

God has made the one as well as the other.

Therefore, no one can discover anything about their future."

Ecclesiastes 7:14

No words.

There are no words for what I saw yesterday.

Total devastation.

The entire town is gone.

Gone.

All of it.

I can't explain it.

And I promise you that seeing it on TV is nothing - NOTHING - like seeing it in real life. And even these pictures don't do a good job of showing you what it's like.

There are no words.

There were eight of us from our church that went down. Connie, Jordan, Jordan's boyf and his family, one of our youth ministers and another man. Most of our work was loading and unloading supplies off trucks and then sorting some donated items.

I hope we made a difference. I kind of felt inadequate. Like it wasn't enough.

These people have lost everything and all I can do is load up some cases of water?

Walking through what was once a neighborhood, we wondered how anybody could have made it out of that alive. We wondered what it was like during the storm - the sounds - the power. We wondered what it was like when it was over. What they saw. What they thought.

The homes were just gone.

Some only had a foundation left. That's it.

Just the foundation.

We saw a mattress in a tree. We saw pieces of mobile homes wrapped around trees. We saw trees that had the bark stripped off them. We saw stuffed animals strewn through the neighborhood. Just pieces of things. Everywhere.

We met a lady who was looking through the rubble of what was her brother's home. He was killed. So was his wife. She was just looking for ANYTHING. And found a piece of a cigarette carton that she knew was his. She kept it.

I think Jordan will remember this for a long time too. There was one thing that really got to her. She looked through the windows of what was left of a house and saw what was very obviously a child's room. Painted walls....toys....little shoes....books. She found a little bracelet in that rubble and asked to bring it home. I noticed she had it on last night when she went to bed.

I'm proud of her for going. For wanting to go.

It was a good day. A tough day.

I'm so glad I went.

I'll never forget it.

Ever.

Pray for Smithville, Mississippi.

Today...

My heart is still working through two very untimely deaths that happened last week.

One was the husband of a co-worker friend. He was 53. And died in his sleep.

The other was a 15 year old school-mate of Niece M, Nephew T, and Jordan. He took his own life.

It's been tough people. Heavy hearts. Confused minds.

There's that Kris Allen song that goes something like this....
We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying


We should never in a spot where we say, "I wish I had told them...."

Just do it.

Make a difference.

Or make it right.

Today.

Because life is short.

And sometimes shorter.



That's all from me today people.

New things

So I'm getting a new boss. It's one of my peers. I have no problems with him or anything. But just wondering how that works. One of my equals is now my boss. I think I'd rather have this "promote from within" situation rather than a total outsider being brought in.

I've had new bosses, but only when I've been the one with the new job. I've never had a new boss "mid-job".

This guy has seen me at my total worse anyway. He was my marathon coach. So there were plenty of times he saw me when I was... less than attractive and pleasant. (And yes, at mile 21 of the marathon I called him an idiot. Hope that doesn't come back to haunt me in my next review.)

Some things will be the same but some things will be different. There will be some changes. Big and small. Change is hard.

Speaking of change, my 96 year old great aunt (the one who has lived alone for 40+ years in the same house for 60+ years) was moved to a nursing home yesterday. And I would be less than honest if I didn't tell you that in the last week, I have experienced every single emotion known to the human race. And all of that, my bloggie friends, is exhausting. And "old" is sad. It's hard to see somebody who is in the sunset of their life. Her dementia runs very high. However, during one of her more lucid moments over the weekend, she was given a little demonstration on the fine art of texting from Connie. She was amazed.

Oh - and I need a haircut so bad I could just cry. But if I cry over one more thing this week the Captain will probably leave me.

Have a good day people. Make the most of it.

Life

Life.

Y'all, it can change in an instant. In. An. Instant.

My heart has been heavy these last few days. There has been lots on my mind. There was a very bad accident here last week. Three teens. One was killed and another critically injured. And there was a driver. Who wasn't injured too bad. At least not physically.

How quickly lives were changed. Life, as so many people knew it, was different.

It just has made me think about how I live each day. Each minute.

That's really all we've got. Because we really are not guaranteed one minute more.

How am I living? How am I treating those around me?

Friends disagree.
Spouses squabble.
Kids spout off.
Parents yell.

We get mad.
We feel entitled.
We feel wronged.
We act ugly.
We are swallowed up by our own pride.

We get all wrapped up in the future.
What might happen.
We worry.
We fret.
We plan.

We pout.
We are surly.
We are unpleasant.
We choose words that hurt.

And what if that was it. What if -- just like that -- it was all over.

Sometimes lives can change and we see it coming. Like when my Daddy was sick and dying. We knew life was going to change. And we saw it coming. It doesn't make it any easier. But in situations like that, we have the chance to say things, to correct wrongs, to express love. Maybe we acted differently with each other because we knew something was going to happen. Something life changing.

In other situations, we don't have that opportunity.

None of us are guaranteed the rest of the day. Just like those kids last week. It was just an ordinary day. A Tuesday. With carpool and geography tests and ball games. And then it all changed.

Sadly, sometimes it takes something so tragic to get our attention. I know I have thought more in the last days about this than I have in awhile. And it has made me think about how I am acting and feeling and treating others. I am so guilty of all of those examples above. And I get so wrapped up in things that seem so important right then. I feel the need to get stressed out over all the stuff I have to do. I am impatient with my kids. I am curt with the Captain. I take friendships for granted. Why? For what reason? None of those things matter. None of them.

All we have is today. Right this minute. Now.

How are we using it?

Thanks with hanging with me on this post (if you are still reading....). I know it's a bit heavier than most.


This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.
~Psalm 118:24

Respond with purpose

Read this on a little motivational website and it really got me thinking. Hope it helps you out in some way today too.


What upsets you is not what happens. What upsets you is your response to what happens.

Just as easily as you respond in a negative way, you can easily and naturally respond in a positive, empowering, uplifting way.

The biggest problems are often caused by what you choose to do about the smallest problems. Most of those big, painful problems are so unnecessary.

Keep reminding yourself that you are in control of you. You are in control and you can decide exactly how you wish to feel at any point.

Imagine the power of remaining calm and focused and resourceful when some totally unexpected, disappointing development interrupts your day. Truly, you can make the disappointments not disappointing at all.

Respond on purpose, with purpose. Feel the power and the joy as every moment gives you a way to move forward.




OK, that's all. Deep thoughts for the day are now over. As you were.