Remote

Did I tell you about the automatic hatch opener thing on my car breaking a few weeks ago?
I was in the grocery store parking lot.
Hit the automatic open button.
WHAMO.
Pieces flew everywhere.
I was walking all over the parking lot picking up pieces.
It was traumatic.
Took it to the car place.
Ordered a new part.
Dropped it off the other day to be fixed.
And get my oil changed.
They changed my oil and fixed the automatic hatch thing.
$.
Tested it with my remote opener thing on my keys.
Nothing.
Opened it in the car.
Opened.
Must be the battery in the remote opener thing.
Inside to the parts desk for a new battery.
$.
Back outside.
Nothing.
Car service guy says I have "a communication failure"
Well...
That about sums up my entire life...
But that's another story.
Have to order a whole new remote.
More $$
Go back next week to pick up the remote.
And make it "communicate with my car."
That will take two hours.
Which really makes no sense.
More $$.
So, I'm remoteless.
And I keep forgetting to lock my car manually.
First world problems.
I guess I'm a spoiled brat.

Big

So, until Jordan gets her own car, she's driving my car.
I'm driving the Captain's SUV.
Since he has a bring home car, the SUV is available.
I hate driving it.
It's big.
Big like a bus.
Big like I've bounced over parking lot curbs.
Big like I can't get it in a parking space.
Big like I hate to have to back up.
Big like look out people I'm changing lanes.
And it has all sorts of Captain stuff inside.
An ice pick rolled across the floor board yesterday.
An ice pick.
There are toolboxes.  Knives.  And other crazy things.
I'm less than ladylike when I climb up in it.
Looking like a powerful marketing executive sitting in the fancy camo seats.
I've almost fallen out getting in.
I've almost fallen out getting out.
I don't mean to complain.
My whining goes unheeded anyway.
Glad that we have this car available so Jordan can drive and I can drive and the Captain can drive.
But, I sure do miss my own car.
OK, that's all.

Get in.

Yesterday I drove.
And drove.
And drove.

Left home.
Drove Jordan to school.
Drove Cooper to school.
Drove to work.
Drove home for lunch.
Drove back to work.
Drove to pick Jordan up from school.
Drove home.
Drove to Cooper's game.
Drove home.
Drove to pick Jordan up from volleyball practice.

Drove
Drove
Drove

And, since each of the above destinations are in total opposite areas of the city, my route resembled some sort of obscure geometric shape.

I logged 95.7 miles on my car.

Beep beep.

one of these things is not like the other

I recently spent some great quality time in the car service waiting area.

I noticed this nice little showcase highlighting several automotive products that you can purchase for your vehicle.





Like some tire foam

Washer fluid

Or some Littlest Pet Shop toys

Flat and Loose

So, yeah, we had snow. It snowed a lot. Big, wet, gorgeous flakes that were so pretty to watch. We braved the blizzard to go to Jordan's end of year volleyball banquet last night. But, to the dismay of the little people in my house, it all melted as soon as it hit the streets. So, school's open. See also: Get up.

I took yesterday off to do errands and things and stuff. Looking back on it, I'm not real sure what I accomplished. Although, four gifts were purchased. So, yea me.

While I was out, a little light came on my dashboard. I was almost home, so I kept on driving, figuring if my engine was going to fall out, I'd rather it fall out in my driveway rather than half way to Target. The light was a little exclamation point with squiggly lines all around it. It was hard to take the exclamation point seriously since it had the squiggly lines surrounding it. So yeah, ignoresville.

Once I got to the safety of my garage, I pulled out the ol' manual book thing and discovered it was a "low tire alert". Humph.

I looked at all four tires. This is where it gets complicated. Because I can talk myself into believing two things: One, that tires are flat. And B, that I'm going to throw up. (Seriously, if you comment on here that you have been puking all night and then I read it, I will convince myself that I was exposed and within thirty minutes will be laying on the couch with a rag and a bucket.) So, yeah, not only did the tires look flat, I was practically watching them lose air as I stood there.

I called the Captain to see if he had some big air pumpy thing in the garage that he could fix the soon to be flat tire. He asked if one of the tires looked flat. That's when I wisely informed him that all four of my tires were flat as well as the four tires on his truck which was also parked in the garage. Yep, eight flat tires out there.

Throwing caution to the wind, I drove his truck for the remainder of the afternoon's running around. And, you never know what you may find when you get in the Captain's truck. And by "never know what you may find" I mean machete. Yes, a MACHETE. I carefully tucked said machete in the backseat and headed to the Hob to find some curly red and green things to tuck in my tree. Yes, the tree that still has no ornaments on it.

Anyhoo, no flat tires on the truck. No flat tires on my car. No need for said machete. And no curly red and green things at the Hob.

And the day's hits just keep coming because after the Captain got home, he informs me that yesterday morning when he was taking a shower, he noticed a small piece of grout coming out of the shower floor. So he picked it up. And it pulled another piece of grout out. So he pulled THAT up too. Then two pieces of tile came out of the floor. Apparently, my solution of not using the shower for a day and just gluing the tiles back to the floor and squirting some grouty stuff in there is not acceptable, because the Captain began informing me that the entire floor of the shower has to be pulled up and replaced. Something about water getting under the bottom of the shower and then the water pan overflows and then water goes through the wall into my closet. I don't really know all the details, because I blacked out after he said it would cost "a little under $1,000" to get it all fixed. So, Merry Christmas to me. I'm getting a new shower floor.

More on exciting goings on later. Including updates on whether I will find curly red and green things and if we will ever get the ornaments put on our tree. In the meantime, have a lovely day.

Legggooooo!

Remember when I got my new car and everything was so suspicious and stuff and I thought it was stolen and all that?

Well, part of "the deal" is that Rico picks my car up and takes it to get the oil changed. Yes, how nice. And he leaves me a car when he does that. Yes, how very nice.

Today, he left me this little baby. How very, very nice.

I suddenly have lots of errands to run today....

Actually, I'm too scared to even touch it because if I wreck it, Rico's Boys will put concrete shoes on me and throw me in the river.

Maybe I'll drive it around the parking lot....

No title since this blog is G-rated

Cooper is gearing up for baseball.

He enjoys baseball a lot more than football. Thank goodness.

The coach is a former, real-live, college and minor league baseball player. And guess who is the assistant coach?? The Captain!!

At this point, I am uncertain if the Captain will be wearing baseball pants. But since this is a G-rated blog, I am not going to address that topic. (See also: Hubba Hubba)

They are serious about this training and practice and stuff.

Coop had to buy a 27 pound four pound medicine ball and practice throwing and catching. So he and the Captain did. In. The. Den.

Ummmmm.....

I had flashbacks to another time there was a ball flying through the house.

I couldn't even watch any more. So I told them to be selective with what they broke. And I left the room to go watch Law & Order reruns and play Words with Friends.

They also bought some new baseball pants and socks and stuff. And when I say stuff, I mean some "protective equipment for boys"..... ummmm ..... Cooper was most proud of this "item". And put it on and was running around "knocking on himself" ... If you know what I mean. Somebody help me....

In other news, I got my car! It has drive out tags from Georgia. I'm a bit worried about that. Because now it adds some sort of new element to my prison sentence. Because I think once a crime crosses state lines, it becomes a federal offense. "Nobody knows....the trouble I've seen...."

But seriously (as if going to the federal pen isn't serious enough), I love the car. And it has lots of bells. And whistles. The Captain has discovered all the fancy stuff. And Cooper has accounted for all the cup holders. I just need to focus on the main buttons first: lights, wipers, radio. We'll work on the other stuff later.

OK, I had a great title for this post since we were talking about all sorts of things including the Captain's bootie and "protective equipment", but again, G-rated and I love Jesus. So it just is what it is.

Have a good day people. And play nice.