Looking for an out

So I'm still trying to think of some ways to get out of jury duty.

I think next week I just show up and sit there all day and pick my week to serve.

But a girl can't be too prepared.

I'm still thinking the "infamous offense" or the "mental issues" is going to be my best bet....

There were some good suggestions in the comments on yesterday's post. And yes, Mom, Connie was TOTALLY KIDDING when she suggested using the time in college when we drove on the sidewalk down Park Avenue to get from the Walgreens to the Captain D's. So don't think that happened. Because it didn't. Nope. We would never do that. Ever.

Then I got this great advice from a coworker yesterday: "When they ask you a question, just keep talking and talking. Don't ever stop talking. Oh - wait - just be yourself..."

In other news, work is busy. The weather is gorgeous. Cooper has started baseball. And Jordan has strep throat.

The end.

Have a happy day.

I'm quiet this morning.

I don't have much to say today....

If I were going to talk about the heartbreaking loss by my Hogs on Saturday, I would say that they looked so good and gave Florida all they could handle. And I would say that the defense was politely, yet firmly, introducing itself to Mr. Tebow all afternoon. And I would say that there were a few questionable calls in the 4th quarter (that even the commentators said were wrong) that probably cost us the game. And I would say that I screamed a lot. A lot. And I would say that a 3 point loss to a #1 team favored by 25 points played on their own hostile home field is still a mighy fine showing. But I'm not talking about the game. (Wooooo Pig Sooooie!)

I also am not going to talk about the Tennessee Titans who are now 0-6. And they got their Tennessee Titan tails handed to them on a snowy field in New England yesterday. Ugh. Handed to them as in 59-0. Yes, that was the score. But I'm not mentioning that.

I'm not going to talk about my current season of being a parent of a tweenage girl and everything that goes with that. And that this weekend it primarliy involved being a taxi service to various social and youth group related events. Drive, drive, drive. But no, I'm not getting into all that either.

I'm also not even getting into telling you about going to a book signing for a long-time friend of mine. Who has a real book. Like a real live book. And how neat it was to see some of my old co-workers from a long time ago. And how proud I am of her. And also how I am a teeny tiny bit jealous because I want to write a book too. And I had an always-very-honest-with-me friend who recently gave me some of my own what for and dished it back to me the same way I apparently dish it to others, "You. Should. Write. A. Book. Youshouldwriteabook!" But anyway, I'm not going to get into how fun it was to see some long-ago friends. Nor am I going to talk about how I want to write a book, but am just a big chicken. (Seriously, though, check out my friends book over on the right side of my blog. I am reading it right now. Quite entertaining so far. I am very happy for her. )

I won't mention how we spent our whole weekend on the run doing a lot of different stuff. Stuff that involved books, soccer balls, race cars, dead people, teen hangouts, and purses. (Yes, I said dead people. That was Captain-related business.) And we weren't home much at all. And I'm not very rested either. And now it's Monday. And I'm still working on laundry. (And I may or may not be sitting here dressed for work from the waist up, but also sporting a pair of pink pajama pants with green turtles on them, waiting for some pants to come out of the dryer.) Cause none of that is worth mentioning.

Nope. I'm not talking about any of those things.

So, I guess I really don't have much to say.

Except peace out people. Happy Monday.

Rain, rain, go away

It has been raining.

And raining.

And raining.

We have had over 8.25" of rain this month. The normal for September is 2.50". Seriously people. I think it has rained every single day. I'm gonna' grow rice in my back yard.

If we had all this rain AND cold temps, we would have had almost 7 feet of snow. Just in case you were wondering about that. Personally I do wonder about that. Because I'm obsessed with the weather.

The Weather Guy is saying the sun will come out tomorrow.
He bets his bottom dollar
That tomorrow
There'll be sun.
Just thinkin' about
Tomor--

Oh sorry - got a little carried away there with my Broadway tunes. (Did I tell you I went to see A Chorus Line the other night? I didn't? Well I did. And since then, I've been practicing my high kicks. Cause if I really wanted to, I could be a thin, long-legged Broadway dancer. I just don't want to.)

OK, no more showtunes. Let's sing a little Milli Vanilli. Want to?



Remember them? The whole lip-sync fiasco? And then one of them died. Not sure if it was Milli or Vanilli. Oh well. We can blame it on the rain.

Hope you have a good weekend regardless of the weather.

WHATAREYOULAUGHINGAT?!?!?!?!!?!?!

It had really not been an ideal day on many fronts. It was the end of a very, very long -- and not so great -- day. I was ready to just be done with the whole stinking thing. Let's just say nothing about it would probably make my lifetime highlight reel.

The Captain and I had gone to bed and were watching some a very good football game and I was filling him in on all this blah blah blah stuff that had happened that day.

I had just confessed to him that I actually told Cooper (who had stomped his foot in anger at the "time for a bath" order) that if he ever stomped his foot at me again, I would chop his legs off. Seriously. Did I really threaten to do that to my son? Yes, I did. Although people, I would never do that, ok? So don't go turning me into DHS or anything. But yes, I did say I would chop his legs off.

Anyhooo, I was weary. And my back was itchy. And I was acting like something that rhymes with itchy. And then it just got a little dicey....


Me: I think have Now-M-S.

Captain: Now-M-S?

Me: Yeah, it's like PMS, but it's Now-M-S. Maybe I should call it C-M-S.

Captain: What's the C stand for? Constant?

Me: WHAT!?!? CONSTANT???? WHATDOYOUMEANCONSTANT? ARE YOU SAYING I'M ALWAYS LIKE THIS? HUH?? ISTHATWHATYOUARESAYING?

Captain: (Laughing his head off so very proud of his humor): Well, not exactly.

Me: You think you're soooooo funny don't you? The C stands for CURRENT. As in NOW, but not ALWAYS. Like the P stands for PRE. As in BEFORE, but not ALWAYS.

Captain: Oh, I thought the P stood for permanent.


And then he laughed so hard I thought he was going to fall out of bed.

Take Five

Five Things You Might Hear Me Say 382,294 times a day


Let me get this straight.
I typically say this right before I am about to hop on my soapbox and rant about something that I don't agree with, something that I think is complete lunacy, or something I just cannot believe. Hypothetically, if I were to send an editorial to our local paper, I would begin it with this lovely phrase. (If I *were* to send a letter to the editor that is...Hypothetically of course....) This phrase is usually nicely coupled with "So what you're saying is....".

e.g. Let me get this straight, you think Target doesn't provide adequate retail therapy?! So what you're saying is, you think Target is not the answer to all problems?


Just sayin'.
This little phrase is almost like a period for some of my sentences. I always say this at the END of something that I have a pretty strong feeling about or to just further prove my point. Like I'm still kind of talking about something even though I should be kind of finished talking about something. But I have to put that last little phrase there. Almost like I'm underlining what I just said.

e.g. Target is the greatest store ever. Just sayin'.


Seriously.
Oh the versatility of this word. It can been used as a question AND a statement. I do feel that it is much more powerful as a statement. When it is a statement, it's almost like a threat. This little multi-purpose word can also stand alone. I think this is my favorite word right now.

e.g. (question) It's going to be 95 degrees today? Seriously?!
e.g. (statement) Target is the greatest store ever. Seriously.
e.g. (statement or threat) Pick up that wet towel right now. Seriously.
e.g. (stand alone) Seriously.


Did you brush your teeth?
Um, yeah, I say this to Cooper every single morning and every single night. Jordan, not so much anymore. But it's a never ending battle with the 7 year old boy. He will swear that he brushed his teeth. That's funny....the sink is dry and I can't even FIND his toothbrush. He also thinks if he just sticks a wet toothbrush in his mouth that he has adequately brushed. Sorry kid. Gotta' use the toothpaste. And the brush must actually TOUCH your teeth. Yes, that's why they call it a tooth-brush. Action is required.*sigh*. No example really needed for this one, but here it is anyway:

e.g. Did you brush your teeth?


What does Gauge have in his mouth?
Sweet mercy people. This is a constant little game he plays. The MAMGL blog has featured these canine antics many times. Here's a highlight. Again, this phrase kind of speaks for itself and requires no back up example. But I believe in consistency, so here is the example:

e.g. What does Gauge have in his mouth?



So people, I hope you have a good day. Seriously. Just sayin'.